The Clunky One

Hi.  When I think of the fact that multiple people may read this everything goes wonky for me.  So instead, I pretend that it’s just us here.  You and me.

And it’s been quite a while since I’ve pulled up this chair and clacked away at these keys.  I took such a nice/long/productive/complicated/wrestling wrapped/hard/delightful break from blogging.  At some point, maybe I’ll write you a saga of the ups and the downs…the ins and the outs.  Wrestling is one of the most intimate sports, I’ve decided :).  But for now, it’s Tuesday afternoon, my two little men are with my rock star parents, and I’m drinking.  A little iced latte heeeeeeey!  And my fingers want to type and not think and not edit and smile and then push publish and be foot loose and fancy free.

I’m turning 35 in October.  That is sobering and exhilarating all in one……I’ve been thinking about what I want for my birthday.  I think I like birthday gifts more and more the older I get – a perk. Thinking lamps, thinking photography, thinking flannel shirts, thinking booties, and thinking of things that delight.  What would be on your birthday list if you just came up with things that would delight???  In some ways, I feel sexier at 35 than I did at 25.  No – I definitely do.  Even though the bod looks different, the brow has a nice layering of straight horizontal lines and my eyebrows are working on a permawrinkle where I knit them together in focus… I feel sexier.  My mom only gets more stylish with each year so I’m just kind of taking that as my legacy, ha!  WHY NOT?!  I tell you what, there have been many many many days in these slump years of having babies when my mom has looked way way way better than me.  She’s got it going on.  I like it 🙂

So here’s what I’m going to do.  You should do it too.  I’m going to just free flow write about the things that have been on my heart.  These are the things that I’m starting to delve into and wrestle out and these are the things that are driving my fingers to click away again.  So when I say you should do it too, I mean, you should do this too.  What have you been thinking about lately?  You know….at that level deep down that actually takes you time to connect to.  The rumbling and wrestling fields of your truest self.  Pull those things up my friend!

1. Womanhood.  Womanhood.  Princess Diana, beauty, Viola Davis, is there a definition of womanhood that we should attain to, if it is true that God is neither male nor female and that we are ALL created in His image…what parts of my femaleness are direct reflections of Him, what is a strong woman, I know a lot of strong women and I’d love to highlight pieces of many of them, what is it about Princess Diana that has mesmerized me since I was six years old, we know that comparison is a thief but HOW do we get freedom from that?, really how?, I’m talking very very practical steps, what does womanhood look like in marriage, what does womanhood look like in not-married life, what would I tell my college friends that they should fix their eyes on as they take long strides into their twenties – the hash it out decade of first stepping into womanhood.  Womanhood – whoa.

2. Prayer.  I think we all assume we all pray.  But, I think the vast majority of us feel lost and odd after sixty seconds.

3.  Introducing our children to Jesus.  I have the honor of knowing an amazing crowd of parents.  As my oldest is five, I find myself down on my knees asking for help as the conversations become more real.  Dang it, I don’t want to give him rote answers…so I’d love to delve into ways to tap into those heart conversation with our children.

4.  Weight loss.  As I have slowly lost weight, I have come face to face with the bondage and the yuck that comes with the extra pounds.  Not talking about a magic number on the scale…talking about acknowledging the truth of our relationship with food.  Oh man, there’s freedom out there!  This one makes me tremor though.

5. What I’m growing in….in marriage, in being a person, in being a parent, in being a friend.  The struggles, the eyes on the prize, the truth.

6. How do we live honestly? The word ‘honest’ has become hot, over used and also increasingly important.  But whoa if there isn’t a lot to learn about living that out.  When do we bring transparency, when is it simply not enough to be just honest, when is it a problem, how do we do it…..lots to ponder.

There’s probably more in there.  Are you thinking of your list?  You really, really should.  Send it to me if you feel so inclined.

Rusty, clunky, chunky, but done.  I came back and blogged.  Not on the new site, still on this old thing.  But done.  I published something and that makes me sing……Seriously, I’d love to see your list of what you’ve been thinking about, I really would.  Consider sending it to me.



  1. Free flowing ponders
    Why do we have emotions. How they serve us and enslave us.
    The Hierarchy in Healthcare
    Research on getting a dog. weighing the pros and cons
    Decluttering a closet.

  2. Ahhhhhh I do love this. Emotions – right. Serving and enslaving – I concur. You'd have to help me on the hierarchy of healthcare. I yield to whatever you say!!! Get a dog. Get a golden doodle :). Decluttering a closet: you need your laptop nearby and a Netflix show with lots and lots of episodes. But the con is that it leads to wanting to declutter more. Overall – lots of pros. Thanks for thinking out loud 🙂

  3. I like this idea of free flowing thoughts…

    Grateful for a husband who is a team with me.
    Still learning how to be whole individuals while simultaneously becoming one in marriage.
    I love my new stretchy headbands. Like really love them.
    Homeschooling seems like a hard best choice for our family some days.
    Even good and healthy and necessary soul unravelings are still unravelings and hold so much uncertainty and new ways of living.
    And I should probably take the boys to get milkshakes somewhere tonight while Val’s working late.

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