Bankrupt at Christmas

That word – bankruptcy. It makes you draw a sharp breath in, doesn’t it? Let me not play games – we are not filing or have not filed for bankruptcy. But it’s the only word that works for what’s in my heart this morning.

Mercy, Christmas can work us over can’t it? It’s a season full of both precious moments and frazzled moments alike. I love the romanticism of this beautiful season and I love fully embracing these days. But, have you ever experienced sad moments that suddenly pop up in your heart during this season? It’s almost hard for me to put words to the feeling that creeps in out of nowhere. But it can be as if, in an instant, the beauty disappears and the sadness is loud.

I’m sure we each have different stories of what we would attribute those moments to. But, I’ve come to realize that the sadness that pops in usually connects to the business of my brain and schedule trying to keep up and perform during the season and the accompanying ache in my heart to connect with Him instead. Can you relate? It’s like this season somehow makes you feel like you just miss Him.

A few months ago, Zion started sharing with me something that the Lord had been stirring in him. He went through a period of waking very early in the morning and walking the neighborhood for an hour or two most mornings before work. I think it was a time of real interaction with God for Him and it was sacred. He started talking to me about how important declaring our bankruptcy to the Lord was. Bankruptcy is a state of declaring – I don’t have enough. The needs far outweigh my capacity to meet them. That concept has continued to roll around inside of me ever since we started talking about it.

The truth is that, neediness and thirst are both gifts.

In seasons like Christmas, it is easy to slip into self-sufficiency – especially in America. Even if things are tight, most of us truly have enough. Most of us have figured out how to be able to spend money on those we love and present gifts to them. These days – it’s as simple as a click of a mouse. (I buy every single gift POSSIBLE on Amazon – LOVE.)

Therefore, I have to watch this heart of mine awfully closely at Christmas.

Because, the reality is that I desperately need Him. The thought of this life without Him is so dim that I can’t go there for very long. Regardless of how self-sufficient I may lean towards feeling, I can turn my heart towards truth in one instant.

I think of the verse in Psalms…”My soul THIRSTS for you Lord, as in a parched land.” YES! No matter where you are today, you can call up thirst in your heart for Him right now. Just meditating on the words ‘I thirst for you Lord’ start to change my heart. I am not enough on my own. I do not have enough. I don’t want to be enough.

He is drawn to that heart – in an irresistible way. Recall His words in John 7:37…

“On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink.”

Regardless of how long it’s been since you’ve truly come to drink, let it all fall away. Now, today can change all of that. In an instant, He offers it all to you. To me.

He’s near. He’s here. He’s ALL that we could never even come close to being. And He’s offering a deep drink to us. Regardless of how busy you’ve been, how fast you’ve been moving, how many gifts have been purchased, join me in deciding today to be bankrupt. I am not enough Jesus and I DO thirst for you.

Now THAT drives sadness out the back door.

Merry Christmas my friends! I am so honored that I get to share this time with you. You are some of my very favorite people and you bring a smile to my face.

Much love,
Abi

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