Hello Friends. Long time no see. My fault! WHEW! Lots has been going on and needless to say, my fingers never found their way to this blog. I’m hopeful that I am going to be blogging at least once a week now….because my life has just taken a dramatic turn – I resigned my position at work and am now at home with Liam full time.
WOW! Even now typing those words seems surreal.
Isn’t life surprisng? When I was little – my utmost dream was to be a mom and in highschool I saw myself married and having babies in my young twenties and wrapping my life around that. God did bring Zion and we’ve grown up together in so many ways. But life happened and it wasn’t time for us to start a family in the timeframe I originally dreamed of. Despite my somewhat disappointed heart, I found something else in the waiting – a career. I found a uniquely wonderful group of people, a boss who believed in me, and work that both challenged and interested me. Hello! Although the mommy desire never went away – it did bury itself deeper in my heart – as I discovered a side of myself that surprised me. I loved working. I love excelling. I love being smart, learning how to be smarter, negotiating smart, building successful relationships and growing. I was really so blessed in my work and I know it.
When Liam came into our lives a year ago, I was (again) blessed to be able to transition to working part time but we didn’t feel like it was time yet for me to be at home full time. Part of what made it work (for us) was that my dear mom had Liam one day a week and God brought a fantastic nursing student to spend the other day a week with Liam. He was able to be at home for the most part with people who loved him and that made my heart at ease while I was at work.
So when things changed for Zion’s job – all of the sudden we were presented with a different set of circumstances. I knew. My heart knew that this was the time. That my season had fully changed and that there was a step of obedience waiting for me. Now don’t get me wrong – my heart was soaring. Finally – the day had come when I would be able to jump full force into this mommyworld and give my everything to the new.
But, I would be lying to say that it was a black and white/uncomplicated decision. Indeed, I knew what I truly wanted but the reality of stepping back from being a working woman took me back a little bit. Regardless of what you intend to do – there is a value you place on yourself as a working woman, a certain type of ‘smart’ that you feel, and a particular thrill that comes with thriving in that way. Those are big things to lay down! At the very least, it is a change in identity. And change – even when it’s for the good – is just a funny process to go through.
But there’s him. There’s the little man that has won over my heart and there’s the deep and truest part of my heart as a mom that unearths more each day. There are the moments when I get to hold him when he’s upset. When we get to jump into a pile of pillows and laugh laugh laugh. When we get to water the ferns together each morning. When we get to share Cheerios. When he tries to help me cook dinner while on my hip. My dream has come true. It’s just a dream that is coming more into full bloom from the depths as it has time to breathe.
So here’s to discovering the new season. Here’s to change. And here’s to the kitchen floor that now seems to be permanently cluttered. And here’s to praying I don’t break a bone when accidently stepping on one of those pieces of clutter 🙂