I CANNOT wrap my mind around the fact that this week we made the half-way mark in the journey to meeting our little man! Simply. Can’t. Believe. It. Man alive – what an experience this has been in twenty weeks. I have been waiting until this lovely half-way mark to do a more extensive post on what this road has been so far.
Oh my where to start??? How about this – a little backtracking and thoughts on the twenty weeks leading up to this point. First, baby boy was not a surprise to us but he sure did enter our lives quickly if you know what I mean! 🙂 And for that, I praise God. I am truly blessed to have gotten pregnant so quickly. My heart had been ready for a baby for years but nothing can prepare you for the reality of a life growing inside of you. It is the most surreal experience.
From the very beginning – I knew that God was birthing strength in me for this pregnancy, for this baby, and that this baby would be strong. But I will say that I was surprised by the emotional side of the experience – or the lack thereof in my case. It was so weird – here was the reality of something that I had longed for – and I couldn’t get my emotions to connect! I think that’s fairly normal…or least that’s what I have been told. But, even if you’re told something is ‘normal,’ it does not make it less un-settling. Whew – I think I just pulled off some crazy double negatives! It was frustrating that the lack of emotional connection lasted so long. Good news though! The emotions have definitely started shifting for me in the past few weeks. I am grateful to say the least!!! Maybe it was finding out that we’re having a boy, or maybe seeing pictures of Zion as a baby did it, or maybe it’s just the Lord answering my prayers but I am thankful to be connecting to this little person. Pregnancy is such a huge opportunity to trust God more and more and in this, I am trusting him to continue shaping my emotions. He IS a god of emotions and He IS faithful.
On a brighter note! God has been over the top good in other ways. I literally felt nauseous for one week and even then – it was just a barely there feeling. It has been a joy to carry this child. My energy has been pretty good and even though I have wanted to be a bit more connected emotionally – there have been no moody swings up and down. (Right Zion???? lol) Okay – maybe one or two emotional moments. 🙂
Ah yes, adn then there’s every woman’s favorite topic: weight. It is a weird weird experience to slowly lose control of your body and observe something totally other taking over. But there is a cool factor to it in that it truly is about letting go of my control. And… let’s just say this: I am certainly enjoying more freedom with food! Oh desserts how I do love you. I am allowing myself to not be too concerned with avoiding what sounds good to me….while trying to get plenty of healthy choices in there too. And I know that October will be here soon enough and there will be plenty of time to get back on track with Weight Watchers. Or at least that’s where my mind is today!
In general, the cravings haven’t been bizarre or even that strong. I would just say my interest in food has heightened. Some of you are probably thinking – ‘was that even possible???’ 🙂 Now, I just like what I have always liked – but more. Still love sweet and salty!
I have heard people say again and again that it is a really good thing that it takes nine months from the time of becoming pregnant until actually having a baby. I could not agree more. God is pretty darn smart! Becoming a mommy is a process. One which I am more aware of than ever. It is sacred and it’s not an overnight development. One of the biggest things for me has been feeling him move. WOW! That kind of puts things in perspective. He is REAL. He is a person. He has a destiny. He has a personality. He is precious. All of those things my mind knew but God is giving me a chance to feel them in my heart now.
Twenty weeks brings me to the point where this starts to get fun if you ask me. He’s becoming more real. I look pregnant instead of ‘thick’ (can I get a hallelujah!?). We are starting to make real plans for him and the Lord is birthing a vision for this child in us just as He’s developing him inside of me. Miracle.
I feel like this post has been rambling and all over the place – and most of all, long. But I wanted to get it out there and now I have. 🙂 If you’re even still reading that is…lol!
TWENTY WEEK PICS! OH MY GOSH so much can change so quickly. If you scroll down (you may have to click on the title of the blog to be able to see all the posts) you can see the pics that I loaded from 18.5 weeks which was a week and a half ago. Baby Boy has GROWN! Listen – I looked cute yesterday I promise. But I got home last night and had an instantaneous urge to put on sweats and only AFTER that process was completed did I remember the pictures I needed to take. 🙂 Goal: next picture will be taken with normal clothes and with our good camera instead of the iphone.